Pay to Pee

 

It was only a matter of time.

 

Pay toilets on planes?  This takes the cake, er, toilet tissue.

 

In addition to a fee for bags and a bill for beverages (payable by credit card only), travelers now face the (sur)real probability that they’ll have to pay to pee in airline toilets.

 

Thank you, Ryanair CEO Michael O’Leary for adding to the list of affronts guaranteed to further piss-off flyers.

 

What next, armrest coin slots for seat adjustments? A tax to perambulate the spacious aisle to your seat? A surcharge for sitting in the Exit row? A tariff for turning on the reading light? A fee for farting? (Actually, that one might fly!)

 

How long before a distressed male wets the floor—or a fellow passenger? Would you penalize someone for bad aim? Or defective equipment?

 

Houston, we have liftoff.

 

And what about the women who left their coin purses at home? Recycle empty apple juice cans?

 

I foresee an addendum to flight attendants’ contracts: “It is further stipulated that you will blot and deodorize all emissions from overfull kidneys or face immediate dismissal without pay.”  

 

I’d like the concession for toss-away catheters and bags. I could retire last month. These could be sold at airport fast-food stands. “Would you like a drink with your burger? Fries? A piss bag?”

 

To date, no one has mentioned the next piece: Charging double for pooping. Illogic tells me it’s just a matter of time.

 

I sniff a grassroots movement in the works.

 

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2 responses to “Pay to Pee

  1. “A tax to perambulate … “?
    “A tariff for turning on the reading light.”?
    Actually, neither a bad idea under certain circumstances.
    But guess what, infrequent travelers all?
    AirTran does indeed have “a surcharge for sitting in the Exit row”! Yep!
    But, before their suits climb all over that statement, it’s added to your fare IF you select a seat in that row online ahead of time. Those seats are highly desireable by anyone taller than 4’10”. In fairness, I suspect that they don’t charge if they assign a seat in that row upon check-in at the airport, i.e. under duress. But you’d have to be daft not to accept that row if it’s offered.
    As for paying to pee, I’d give up my Exit row seat on a booked-solid flight from Los Angeles to Melbourne to know how Air France would deal with that concept! Oui, oui, I would!

  2. Too funny Beth. Great piece. Mentally I am rolling in the aisle about to “lose it”!!! 🙂

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