This is a vacation?

Sunday’s Washington Post devoted too many tape-measured inches to a fitness boot camp vacation. Isn’t that an oxymoron? Imagine spending three precious vacation days at Camp Lejeune. Gee, where do I sign up?

An hour from Tampa you can pay $1,475 recession dollars for 3 days of punishing activities such as a 4-mile beach run before breakfast. If that doesn’t float your avoirdupois, step on a scale at 6am (A splendid way to start the day.) Schlep a 5-gallon water bottle tipping the scales at 45 pounds around a gym. Scuttle crablike across a basketball court. Meet with a nutritionist. Gloriosky!

 Gee, where have I been all my life? 

But wait, for all the self-inflicted corporal punishment there are mealtime rewards: Yogurt and berries! Turkey burgers! Brown rice and broccoli!

 Istanbul is so last year. I want to suffer!

 I don’t know about you, but I favor strolling, climbing museum stairs and bending my elbow (sometimes both) when I leave home. Travel for me is a chance to exercise my eyes and ears and mind. And dining options. I don’t want to compete with—or look like—Isabelle Caro.

 Forget jogging suits, working out in sweaty gyms, watercress and tofu. 

Bring on comfy jeans, walking outdoors, meat and potatoes. And dessert.

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12 responses to “This is a vacation?

  1. My niece paid about $200-$300 a month for three months of basic training with the Israeli army (including tent accommodations, mess, etc.). Yes, that put her in shape. She then enlisted in the army for a two-year stint and was part of the first female border patrol unit. She looked good, so there must be something to it. Of course, she’s just a few years younger than I am.

  2. Ian Rosengarten

    Perfect timing for me. I am looking for something that includes all the self denial and pain I can endure for my next vacation.

  3. I have to agree. I try to keep pleasure and punishment separate.

  4. Someone can give me the time AND the money, and I will do both.

  5. laughed until I ached!

  6. Where do I sign up???? I spent my last vacation digging out a friends sump pump. This sounds IDEAL.

  7. I agree wholeheartedly, Beth–does not fit my definition of the word “vacation”!

  8. Beth, love you and all the stories/blogs, so embarrassing not knowing exactly what a blog is, or is it just another name for something we already knew as something else. You are too much. I’m just thinkin’ ……. any chance of going to the “Improv”. I’ll be there.
    xoxo

  9. I’m going to forward this to my best friend. Sounds like a good stopover for her on the way back from her annual visit to Sanibel!

    How many pounds did YOU lose?

    Terry

  10. Suzanne Gallagher

    Bedbadandbeyond,

    I’m Terry’s friend (or maybe NOT). I intend to ROLL home or make a stopover at the closest Ritz-Carlton spa. Suzanne

  11. Happy new year 2011! I say, yoga boot camps!

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